There’s an angel in the sky watching over me. I know her name too, Vickie LaSheryl Hudson. If ever there was a moment when I felt too low to look up, her spirit seemed to sweep down and pick me up . . . I was wrong for ever saying that she wasn’t there, or that I missed her. She’s there, here, everywhere . . . I say that due to last night’s and this morning’s fiasco within myself. I’ve been wanting to cry out this stress for about 2 weeks now and never could. Last night I reached a breaking point and while sitting in my car on the phone with Jai. For the longest I’ve felt like she’s the only one supporting me and when that went away for a quick moment, I lost it. I shed two tears and then this chill went through me, Jai told me to bring my ass back home and while coming up, I heard a voice telling me to “have faith in myself”.
Being the ignant black man I am, I didn’t listen. So this morning brought more tears and sure enough, the same thing happened: Have faith in yourself. So this time it clicks and I come to work with a brand new aura, new outlook on things. This job, school, Jai and I . . . everything. Right after the voice spoke to me, I also was presented with something I’ve been missing out on in this relationship and thats the gift of giving. I gave her so much of me in the beginning and somewhere down the line . . . I stopped. Then complained about what she wasn’t doing. Now I know though, I can’t stand selfishness, I’ve been committing the crime for far too long myself and I need to get back to giving to my love before I get my own place.
I’ve been asking her to place faith in me, but never have I truthfully placed faith in me in regards to the whole situation. This is definitely therapuetic in the sense that I have understanding. My angel is, and always has been, Heaven sent. Matter-of-fact, now that I truly think about it, I’m blessed with two. Mom and Jai, I hold those two in such high regard, it’s not easily given though, it’s definitely earned (well Mom’s being earned is obvious lol). Jai has never been one to lie to me or do me wrong.
I know now that I can learn in my 20’s what a father should have taught me in my teen’s. Somethings just click, others take time and patience, but the point is that I grew up without my Dad for a very solid reason in life and that’s to learn a lesson so deep that I’d never forget it. So far, it’s proven true, I’ll never let my child go without knowing that his/her father is a good man and tries hard everyday to be good in all he does. Never will they have to assume what I may be like AS LONG as I’m still on this Earth breathing. I’ve had to go through 22 years of presumptions of what my father is like based on what I heard and what’s obvious. That isn’t a good feeling, and sadly too many of the children today have to live with that reality, even worse . . . others don’t have anything to go by.
Granny did the best she could in playing a three part role (Mother, Father THEN Grandmother and Grandfather). If Superwoman ever turned out to be real, I’m sure she’ll be 68 years old staying in a 3 bedroom house that’s paid for in the southern area of Dallas. Her many roles would probably explain her mood swings with me, she’s the type to give you praise one moment then making you feel stupid for something the very next sentence. It hurts but it’s love. Love hurts and I’m a psuedo-masochist.
Damieon “D. Will” Williams (Rest in Peace) . . . what can I say to you that’s sincere to where you wouldn’t laugh? Lol, not a damn thing! I miss you so fuckin much bro . . . you kept me on my toes and pushed me to do better, you may have been the youngest out the crew, but you definitely held us all together. I’m SO grateful to have squashed that petty beef with you on X-mas day. As you know, I wanted so much better for you because you HAD IT once before. Madison misses you . . . shit, we all miss you. Your girl just dropped your seed so there’s a D. Will Jr. running around that I can educate on the art of “The Poo” (LMAO). Ofcourse, that’s much later within life. Your legacy lives on through Maddy and Jr. (I’ll refrain from callin him Cash Money names but Birdman Jr. MAY be used accidentally)
Well, I’ll end this post for now and continue to jam out to the new N.E.R.D.
If there was no misleading in the beginning, there would be no
misunderstanding in the end . . .
